Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
