I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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