fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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