would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
