Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
