i don't plan on having that self control this summer
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
