I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dick very happy bro
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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