I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
