The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
