Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
