oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
