so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You need a sexual gate keeper
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
