used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
