i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
