I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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