Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
