how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
