Buhtt sex?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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