$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
