i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
