What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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