I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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