I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Your penis caused this!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
