i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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