don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
