she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
