____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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