the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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