i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
