I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
