where am i from again
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
