My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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