I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
