she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
