My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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