I feel like abortions should bother me more
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
