4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
