He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
