thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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