My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
