FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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