OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
