1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
