I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
