I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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