Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
