I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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