moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
