She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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