I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
